Life is a Relational Experience

Life is a Relational Experience:Teaching Choosing Civility Elsa Filosa (bio) One day, in the spring semester of 2012, I walked into my classroom and was greeted with dead silence. Considering that my classroom was full of students, the lack of noise was both noticeable and unnerving. Typically, I would arrive in class to find my students chatting among themselves about many different topics—weekends, classes to take, homework and difficult topics, shopping, the most recent football game. Sometimes they were laughing, often too loudly. So, I always started the class with a joyful "Buongiorno!" which was my cheerful way of telling them: "I am here: let's start class." However, the massive adoption of smartphones coupled with new forms of social media dramatically changed the way in which people communicate and interact. While entering my classroom, this radical shift meant that no one was chatting anymore, no one was laughing. My entire class was sitting there, looking at the screens of their cell phones, physically present but mentally elsewhere, texting with other people around the globe while completely ignoring the human beings sitting right next to them. And so, I still entered the classroom that day with a loud "Buongiorno!" which now had come to mean: "I am here: let's start class and put away your cell phones, please." My fundamental unease with this silent non-presence was the impetus behind my creation of the seminar "Choosing Civility," which I taught successfully for three years at Vanderbilt University. In this essay, I would like to trace the history and guiding force behind this seminar: Pier Massimo Forni's outstanding work in the field of ethics and civility. [End Page S-358] 1. "One of the Greatest Generals in our Nation's Struggle for Civility" In the Italian Studies field, Pier Massimo Forni is respected for his refined scholarship, but outside academia he was well known as a promoter of civility. In 1997, he co-founded the Johns Hopkins Civility Project, which aimed at assessing the significance of civility, manners, and politeness in contemporary society; in March 1998, he co-directed the international symposium at Johns Hopkins University, "Reassessing Civility: Forms and Values at the End of the Century"; in 2000, he founded and directed "The Civility Initiative"; and in 2002, his book Choosing Civility: Twenty-Five Rules of Considerate Conduct was a best-seller all over the United States.1 The civility awareness which Professor Forni promoted was spreading across the country, not only thanks to his book and tireless activities within the community, but also thanks to the creation of self-generated groups of citizens who fully embraced the mission of its founder. The stellar success of Choosing Civility earned Pier Massimo Forni a meaningful presence on the most prominent television and high-profile radio shows, where he was able to increase his audience's appreciation of civility through the media. Among these broadcasts are the ABC's World News Tonight, CBS Sunday Morning, BBC's Outlook, and the very popular The Gayle King Show and The Oprah Winfrey Show. He also became a frequent guest at the National Public Radio. His work was discussed by numerous prestigious publications as well, such as The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, The Times, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Time, and Forbes Magazine.2 Behind the success of Choosing Civility was the fact that readers were in search of practical methods and suggestions for applying civility in everyday life. This need led to the birth of Pier Massimo's second book on the subject: The Civility Solution. What to Do When People Are Rude.3 On November 8, 2008, the historical date of President Barack Obama's election, Scott Simon interviewed Pier Massimo Forni at 8.00 a.m. on WYPR Radio in Baltimore. The topic of the show was the appropriate way to talk about politics at the Thanksgiving table, [End Page S-359] when passionate discussion often arises among relatives, making the dinner table a battleground that divides family.4 The headquarters of this homegrown movement was created in Howard County, Maryland, with the group Choose Civility: Choose Civility is an ongoing community-wide initiative, led

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