Me Hijra, Me Laxmi

Laxmi Narayan Tripathi is a trans activist, an actor, and an author of a series of two autobiographies, Me Hijra, Me Laxmi and Red Lipstick: The Men in my Life. The autobiography is a detailed and insightful account of how Laxmi Narayan, the eldest son in the family finds her identity as a woman and a hijra. The title itself suggests a strong affirmation to her identity as trans woman, as in fact, language is performative in nature. Hijra autobiography is a latest addition to the Indian literary circles, apart from women's autobiography, which is an established genre. The first hijra autobiography was published in 2007 by Vidya, titled I am Vidya, which gave a way for “othered” trans identities a mode of self-representation and establish their social identity. Laxmi's autobiography is translated from Marathi to English by R. Raj Rao and P. G. Joshi, the language is kept simple and comprehensible for its readers and switches to monologues and conversations. The autobiography is thoroughly engaging and profound in its narrative, which discusses the people and instances that shaped her identity as a writer, actor, activist, and an active agent in helping her community and its change. The autobiography not only discusses her identity and sexuality, but the various personas that Laxmi collectively is.In chapter 1, Laxmi mentions her experience of being sexually exploited at the very early age of seven by a distant cousin, which continued for years and at first, she couldn't understand the molestation and its impact. She bottled up these feelings, which had an impact on her mental well-being. Similar instances of sexual exploitation in the childhood shaped her in a way that made her stronger. She writes, “I decided at that moment to raise my voice against the things I did not like” (8). While exploring her identity in the early stages, she also discusses meeting Ashok Row Kavi, who is an Indian journalist and the founder of Humsafar trust, which works for the social welfare of queer identities in India. She identified as gay and she mentions of learning a new word “gay”: “I learnt its meaning, learnt how it applied to people like me. I was gay, I wasn't abnormal” (12). Laxmi discusses her attraction and relationship with men, which were difficult and complicated in a heterosexual setup like India in which homosexuality wasn't acceptable. She also accounts numerous instances of sexual harassment on the account being effeminate. Later, she started questioning her gay identity and her resonance with her body of a boy, “I came to a conclusion that I wasn't a boy. I was a girl. But then I had penis and testicles, not breasts . . . so, how could I call myself as a girl. I didn't have the answers to these difficult questions” (22). At such a difficult time, she mentions that dancing worked as therapy and she felt aligned with the feminine movements of her waist that feminized her body. She found herself constantly struggling with her identity in a society that attaches binary and social roles to bodies. Laxmi's memoir mentions the violation of her body by men at every stage of her life and the severe impact it had on her mind. Laxmi's autobiography describes the kind of violence a trans body had to endure by not confirming to the dichotomous standards of a heterosexual society.In an attempt to define her sexuality, she mentions in chapter 4 that she started going the college wearing female attires as a man, grew and painted her nails, and used dark lipstick as a means of expressing her sexuality. In exploring her identity as a drag queen and a dancer, she started working in a dance bar. It is at this stage that she got answers to her questions about her identity when she met Shabina, who was hijra. After learning about the hijra community, she found her identity as a woman and a hijra. Laxmi describes the initiation ceremony to become a hijra and found a guru in the hijra household. She also mentions wearing male clothing at home, but wearing female clothing when going out. This happened during the time of protests for the abolishment of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code, which described homosexuality as “unnatural.” She came on TV to talk about Section 377 and that's when her parents learned of her hijra identity.In chapters 6 and 7, Laxmi's account also provides insights into a hijra household and guru/chela relationship in hijra culture, which she found difficult to abide by. She was also denied permission by her guru to attend a conference with then UN Secretary General Kofi Anan because she didn't want her to be visible. She also discusses issues with government officials when she applied for her visa, as they ignored her identity as a hijra because she didn't have any proof of that. Laxmi also deconstructs the notion that hijras renounce sexual desire and practice by undergoing sacrificial emasculation. Hijras are said to perform emasculation to be a part of the hijra community or to become a “proper” hijra, but Laxmi finds herself beyond these confinements and still identifies herself as a hijra and a woman. Her identity is seen as nonessentialist and she mentions, “I had no surgery done because I am not castrated” (80). She explains her anxiety on being called as a man, “I regarded this [burning her certificates] as a symbolic act because I was destroying records in which I was referred to as a male” (80).With her constant involvement and representation of hijras in various conferences, activism, dance, and TV shows, she gained popularity as an actor and an activist. She trained her group of hijras and took them to perform cultural dances at the Amsterdam India festival, which was appreciated. In conclusion, through her activism, she has worked towards the representation of hijra community and their rights. She has worked on the issues of hijras with their government ID card: she proposes workshops to cater the needs of third-gender children and adults, who should be provided with an Aadhaar card to help them in establish their identity. Her work and activism are a contribution towards providing space and inclusivity for trans social and economic rights, and thus helps building GLTBQ worldmaking. In bringing forth an honest account of her life and representing her community, Laxmi emerged as a hijra icon who had constantly worked towards establishing her identity as a hijra and destabilizing the rigid notions of heterosexuality. She has represented her community in conferences, seminars, dancing competitions, and TV shows, which gives space for trans communities to emerge. Laxmi's memoir is a riveting, compelling, and an informative account of self-expression, community building, and finding her voice against all odds and violence

Geography · Immigration and Intercultural Education