Through a Glass, Darkly

This story begins and ends with a book, although the book, ultimately, is the least of it. My name, as they used to say back in the days when we still had novels, is not all that important. It will come up when the strategy of this narrative requires it. One winter afternoon at the end of 2009, on the table of new arrivals at St. Mark's Bookshop, in the East Village, I found a copy of a Vladimir Nabokov book whose existence was altogether unknown to me, The Original of Laura. I picked it up, curious, and read on the back cover that it was a novel the Russian author had left unfinished upon his death. Intrigued, I began to leaf through it. It was a set of handwritten index cards riddled with corrections and deletions. I'm not really sure what made me buy the book, but I read it straight through that same night, and by the time I finished I had been possessed by an unease I could not yet quite understand. The novel's text, which was scattered irregularly across the index cards, was posing a challenge to which I felt compelled to respond, except I didn't know how. Despite its imperfect and fragmentary nature and the huge quantity of errors that plagued that attempt at a novel, what I read fascinated me, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I was seized by the idea, not of finishing what Nabokov had left barely begun . . . that would have been lunacy, as well as an impossible undertaking. So what the hell was I planning to do?, I asked myself . . .After giving it a lot of thought, I managed to understand. I wanted to know what form the text of The Original of Laura might have taken had the author's death not prevented him from finishing it. There was something maddening about the idea. When I finished reading the book it was three in the morning. I couldn't call anybody to tell them about it. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed thinking that the first thing I'd do on waking would be to call Arnold Swift to tell him about the find and my preposterous decision. At eleven in the morning I showed up at the joint where he likes to shut himself away to write, the Café Dada in Brooklyn.I don't really get what you're saying, David. What is it you're proposing to do exactly?There's a novel buried in those index cards. It needs to be brought out into the light.It's an abortion of a text, said Arnold. It should never have been published. It's a very handsome volume, as an object, but there's nothing of value there, from a literary perspective. The critics were not what you'd call exactly crazy about the book, and with good reason.He was right. Recalcitrant Nabokovians, like Martin Amis, one of his best exegetes, saw no merit in the text, and struggled unsuccessfully to justify its publication in a review he wrote for the New York Times under the title “Nabokov and the Problem from Hell.” Something similar happened to his biographer, Brian Boyd. He couldn't think how to justify the decision by the writer's son Dmitri, who had taken thirty years to decide to publish it. Before his death, Nabokov had left unambiguous instructions, asking for the work to be destroyed. Instead, Véra, his wife, decided to deposit it in the vault of a Swiss bank.I took the subway back to Manhattan. It was my last day at the magazine. There was hardly anything left in my office now. I was quitting my job with mixed feelings. Nobody had asked me to go, but nor did anybody press me to stay. It was my decision. I don't know to what extent I was lying to myself, but the excuse I gave was that I wanted more time for my own writing. I'd keep working for them, but without having to go to my office in person on a daily basis. Still, it was a tough blow. I found it hard to quit a job I'd been doing for so many years. I put the few things I still had there into a small backpack and headed out. I left the building without saying goodbye to anybody, as if I'd be back in the next day. Next thing I knew, I was at Columbus Circle. I thought about going for a walk in Central Park, but something, I'm not quite sure what, made me think of my friend Nicole Pasternak and I decided to pay her a surprise visit. She's a very special person, Nicole is. A lot of people are shocked she and I get along so well. She's a literary agent, one of the best, and a fierce one at that. She was born in Belarus and she has a very strong personality and a reputation for ruthlessness. It is true that in her professional life as an agent, she is merciless and lacks scruples, perhaps because in her line of work it would not be practical to behave any other way. I really like her. She's very smart and has an odd sense of humor, which not everybody can catch, and she's extremely reserved. There are strange rumors flying around about her past, and there's a halo of mystery surrounding her private life, but I don't give a damn about that, any more than I care about her mysterious habit of disappearing for long periods of time, sometimes whole months, without anybody knowing what she's doing or where she's gone. I like her idea of New York. She says it's a point of arrival, the only one she's managed to find after many years of running away, without quite knowing from what. There are a lot of people in this city who feel like I do, she told me once, individuals who, after years of dragging the weight of their existence around aimlessly, arrive here and immediately understand that there's no place else for them to go. New York is the end of the line for a lot of people with broken lives.When I reached the agency it must have been two in the afternoon. I was met by Abby, Nicole's assistant, a very pleasant girl who has been working with her for many years. I asked if Nicole was busy. She replied with a smile that I was in luck and announced my presence through the intercom. I knocked on her office door before going in. Nicole was reading a manuscript on a tablet. I dropped my backpack into an armchair. My final belongings, I've just cleared out my office, I said, and sat down opposite her.And how do you feel?Like I'm the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. And for the first time in as long as I can remember, I'm not in a hurry. But that's not what I've come to talk about. Do you know The Original of Laura?Yes, of course. What's it to you?I stumbled on a copy yesterday afternoon at St. Mark's. I was leafing through it and decided to buy it. I read it at night in one sitting and when I finished I was so rattled that I needed to take a pill to get myself to sleep.Everyone says it's meaningless gibberish.Perhaps, but I'd like to work it out. I saw something in it.Lighting a cigarette, she asked me to explain to her just what it was I'd seen.Best thing you could do would be to hire a ghostwriter, she said when I'd finished. I can recommend a very good one.Who?Stanley Marlowe.Marlowe? Like in the Chandler novels?He's an odd kind of guy, the sort you like. But there's no one better. Trust me. He's undervalued in the profession, because of his personality, but that works out well for you.She took a card from her desk and scribbled something on the back.Hellman & Associates, I read aloud. Rings a bell. Isn't that where Swift works?Right. That's his direct line. Tell him I gave you his number. You guys will get along.When I arrived home, I went onto the Hellman & Associates website and was impressed by the great range of services they offered. I called the number Nicole had written on the card.Stanley Marlowe. Who's this?, asked a man's voice.I was given your number by Nicole Pasternak, I said, and explained that I needed a ghostwriter.I don't know if I'll be able to help you. I've something in just that me time for anything you don't the best thing would be for you to out the form on the website and get it to me as as you me just have a at the . . . . . . I've to go to next The job I'm doing is a from the of one of the of the set me up with an office on the of the where You know where the about we there on at for me. Nicole I've not had any from her in a who out to me like a from a When she saw my she couldn't help but She was very not She had and her was into two on of her head. She was a with a with and with that up her her she a on which her have an to I She her still all the must be come with me. smile had from her to her a on the a to a She me to The was very and it was in only by a few that from the at and gave an of The had through which you could out in which of very people were I asked my if the place had been was a of years been here a under the whole of the she explained in a The idea is to the of those that are the it to a the end of the a door just as we were about to it. the other was a very A to the back which was in with me so of the from The I It's a a on the there's nothing about it. you'd like a just press that she said, the other end of the excuse me a she said, a the be she me a He if you would here a few I'll be back to you excuse One of the of the was a huge that a and a of the I A the in on its rattled the at my the It was so I could out the Next to a was the around the with a The to the of the a few the at me, across the of the When he was the at me. A was Manhattan. The had been it had a there was a and it began to The to the him to The a and into the The the of the that the I the in the as it was by and of I'm not sure how long it but the to to be by a through whose the a the began to New an of it. if to the at the very a of on the the with me, went into a that the of a of an were onto the were a of that in the and the of the through which we were flying into the the in the an could be there we into an with on The last of was with the her on this a few and me through to a in which a were in of a said my an who was sitting at a onto the a showed of an in a of a on a in of a on the of a by the The was into a with the index out and one of the was to the whole the of a the at the from the of a said goodbye with a and left at me, a small he had on of the and took out a of to have you he said, to me his He was not very with a He was a and The of the from the I told you the other day when we on the I'm very and I don't know if I'll be able to to your if you are a good friend of The for that is the just on the I've to his a job that will take up all my time for It's idea, that's his You know who the He's one of the in me with this by of a office so I can of the I was just of life, the on things like that. I'll to help my but I tell me what it's about. I'm all to think of there's no to tell me anything . . the left of the the there form that he had asked me to in a few days the was a of me, in the I'd That's a I'd never he said, a onto the The the of the Hellman & Associates, all in the of the the of a novel left unfinished by its one of the great and of years New the he to the I couldn't it any more your it. a that's a good I didn't know there were any of you guys still around . . . But going back to your last name, where the hell did you get this where did you get your the one to me for not the other you going to my or the book I you to the at the and read out the of a novel left unfinished by its one of the great Tell me something, you very when you wrote had you taken something more than . . is it to be I the from his I went onto and a onto the Before in there the of The were on a a two that like in down her which was in its and the the of her the the of a of I the the that the of the from one to the them one by I it his the and at he after a few So it's Vladimir no This of before He's not my kind of I it's only to he did give the a few that at a I read in my first at and it my idea what I'd of him now. a he made the of the What are you about with this thing of around in its kind of when you put it like are we going to talk or take I say to you my not at all about but I think in the of that Nabokov scattered the index cards of what was to be a novel, there's something that is of It's a of it out into the would it have been so hard just to say what you had in like that of around with all those of You said you're a brought you the so you can for I his and him a I had brought with What a I you for but don't go just I still said I'm going to take this no point your to me. He put his into the and took out the What the hell . . . The Original of a novel in he read I think about it . . . I do that when it was . . the is . . . he said very and the running his index the of the which away from left to right. were all in the first and but as they the they they an the of the back cover there was a of a He was a very at that The the The were of two of the index cards. the cover you could read the of written in in had an around the first and out out and out. read the out a and the as if a of for the to he What it is the of the book, I of but in an in a life, That's how the book The that on that card are the last that Nabokov wrote before he at the cover you can it's one of those cards like you used to get in in Nabokov took for his on The you're the cards the was working on when he There are in The one just read is the the The were of the cards on which the Russian had for the were around the in a that just a from your would be to them out. The of text they was cards were had only one or two of writing. There were and deletions. the book to the he to leaf through the from the very The were into two The was by the handwritten cards. The the same text but in for you. I've two his the of that the of the last index card and it what I did to one of my I take the cards out and put them away in a the of the he reached the as if he were a of cards. When he had he the book do you have in Do to be told you. out the novel that's buried in those index the hell do you like I'm a ghostwriter, a you are a is exactly what I'm do you talk about your job with you like the I think of a the a no at that in I with a for but who is to the of you put quite of and that's a a is able to give a to what can only about. You people can be asked to the of a of a of a of a . . . Isn't that what you're doing with not a better. When I out your website I saw that at Hellman & Associates you guys can be for all of novels, novels, novels, you written a not as as it that a lot of people a you can just It's something you're born I have no of a book from you. about The but they were What you're proposing is quite the what are all those I at a I'd when I into the they anything to do with that you asked me that thing about here because of She had the Hellman & Associates the written with the help of the you any of them I a went to the and to read out A on the The The The of the The of the The of the What Do of a The of The of a The . . . What has any of this to do with you to be to the of of a I know that, but it's what to up book, but he you to help me, Marlowe. Nicole said get along picked up The Original of Laura and his into the cover as if this might him to read what was don't you tell me from the very he put the Nabokov novel into an of it his and we left the When we reached the with from The I was by the of that the place there was to the end of the the and an can I get you Marlowe. you you're two sat the out the The with a At that the a few away, for just a and to my has just down at be by here she's left her things at have of time, he said, his I his and began to Nabokov a from which he will never A he in a in the he on his death is a set of cards the of a novel whose title is The Original of Laura. When he that he will not be able to he for the cards to be destroyed. He is by the that he might imperfect of his to he wrote once, keep The of his first novel written in Nabokov that no should be to that not have the form of the his death the is left in the of his son When the of and they that what he really has in his is the to decide the of a book that not to him or to his the of Nabokov feel to it. you me, they did the The an author a novel, it to to no can that. I know he didn't this but that my anything it given that the author no in the of the any how to and any decision for the deposit the index cards the text of The Original of Laura in the vault of a Swiss in the decision to a to take a of my which is still The is a that that help to the of said the from the the and his I I'm going to the narrative into the I can more on the of what you It's like the he began to give to The Original of Nabokov was a book of at the same time the of or idea was to the novel a He told a friend in a that he was having a great of it. It's an book, me. It's in mystery and in it Nabokov into of going than he had in . . . tell you the I don't really understand how there's been in this When it into my I went that Nabokov had not been a of It me that about who to me are But my I find the story of his life his and his from the Russian the and he the on which he of of in of I'm by the of the he of his his his He the of his who was brought down by a a in It me that he in his to from in with no of The that he never set in his me He was in which is the of to this and after the a could to in a as to anything that from as the he quit the New never to He his final years to a on the of with the in And that was where he to this mysterious text, the of do you by The Original of Laura he to the of in a that's if anything there is a of in in this novel the of the up into but the to how. Nabokov into which people to away from in because they can feel their He into the except that he it with the of a to be around so but I do to to the It's a I've had as a you out of your What you to be doing is to think about I should do the are you about perhaps we could don't could be the and I'd my luck with writing. a from your you're going to end up with your from all that took a of my and went on before his in Nabokov a up he is in He to a of that him that his time on is to an The of from is the of by his his begins to He is taken from to from to from bed to he his of The I he has the idea for the novel with which he to to life in his but lacks the to it to great he as best he can to the index cards on which he to give it he is for the New York Times The is to know what he has read He that that his in a read The of and The Original of he reading and writing. his he himself the novel to a of his of the the by his son there's a where he how he read the text to a of were his two a few around and a who was so that he was This last is for The would be to the He would by his own writing. He of this in the novel, as you were able to for when you read that last card a What he in the is of a a of his which is no any more than a has begun to his with him down that take him to a place he in he picked up the copy of The Original of Laura that had put on the table and read that final . . but I went as the final of the its When I stumbled upon the book by I had a It's hard to think of anybody who a more his own writing. nothing in were He to be when in he was reading in on cards he a of That's not the with The Original of Laura. the first time, the is in of critics and at the of his without a like this had happened to him but that Nicole Pasternak likes to all something to and Nabokov is no Despite the in which he left the text of the novel is of And the challenge that index cards are Marlowe. is in the he and himself to give up because he lacks the the he that he to But the he are the and in his there a text that's out for to give it who can how the of its is first to go it I out the text of The Original of Laura is a in to the of the that the is for you in the he announced his and I for he said, out his I'll take the book with me. When I've had a to it more I'll give you a

Aesthetics · Art · Jungian Analytical Psychology · Literary Theory and Cultural Hermeneutics · Vladimir Nabokov Literary Studies